WAL MART ATTACKS PEARL HARBOR
US 101st AIRBORNE DIV., IN NORTHERN IRAQ, SURPRISED BY DEADLY NINJA ASSASSINS
VLADMIR PUTIN STUMPED BY X Q M R I TILES
VENDING MACHINE COFFEE STILL DISAPPOINTING AT 40 CENTS
REPTILIAN FAX TREE INFORMS VARIOUS LIZARDS
NEW TESTAMENT SHORTER THAN PLANNED - HAMPERED BY LACK OF APOSTLES' OFFICE SUPPLIES
CIA ON IRAQ: MISSION 'IN REVERSE ACCOMPLISHMENT'
LIBERTARIAN PARTY CONVENTION DESCRIBED AS SUBCONSCIOUSLY HOMOEROTIC
ADORABLE KITTENS ADMIRE HUMOROUS INSPIRATIONAL POSTER
MR. BIG SHOT CELEBRITY BETTER TAKE OBSCURE TRASH TO CURB
DeVRIES INSTITUTE GRAD CANNOT LOCATE JOB, GIRL
UNFAMILIAR PAPER BAG VEXES ADORABLE KITTENS
ANGELINA JOLIE'S BREASTS SOLEMNLY APPLAUDED
ENRON, ORACLE, TYCO IN URGENT DISCUSSIONS TO ACQUIRE PRISON MANAGEMENT CONTRACTS
WAL MART INNOVATES WITH NEGATIVE SALARIES
GLOBAL WARMING, FLOODING TO BRING EAST COAST, WEST COAST HIP HOP RIVALS TOGETHER, PROBABLY NEAR DENVER IN 2064
REDNECK YET STRUGGLES FOR FIRM SELF-DEFINITION
CLEARING OUT EXCESS ENDANGERED SPECIES TOP ADMINISTRATION ENVIRONMENTAL PRIORITY
TONY BLAIR JUST KEEPS WHACKING HIMSELF ON THE FOREHEAD
ELECTRO-BRAIN USED FOR ROBOT BUSH COMPARABLE TO PLAYSTATION 2
DELICIOUS PIE WARMLY EMBRACED BY MANY CULTURES
FRUSTRATED CONDI RICE MAY REQUIRE SPECIAL ASSISTANCE TO GET FREAK ON
EFFECTIVE CAR ALARM PLAYS COMPLETE, 110 DECIBEL 'STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER'
ADORABLE KITTENS DREAM OF SLEEPING IN WARM, COMFY PILLOW EXACTLY LIKE THE ONE THEY'RE SLEEPING IN NOW
ADMINISTRATION NOW CLAIMS IRAQ, IRAN INADVERTENTLY BUT UNDERSTANDABLY CONFUSED WITH EACH OTHER
KENNY G INTRODUCED TO JAZZ
MONSTER TRUCK ESCHEWS EXPLOSIVE JUMPS, PREFERS QUIET TIME WITH SEDAN FRIENDS
WAL MART OCCUPIES BURMA, EXTENDING EAST ASIA CO-PROSPERITY SPHERE; BRITISH EXPELLED, THOUSANDS FLEE
JITTERY COFFEE CUSTOMER, PINING FOR BEAUTIFUL BARRISTA, IS ALL-A-TWITTER
MEDICAL SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NECK-BONE, BACK-BONE CONSISTS OF COMPLEX INTERCONNECTED VERTABONES
BORIS BADANOV ADMITS RELEASE OF TOXIC GOOF GAS IN TEXAS LEGISLATURE, 1998
AS A YOUNG FAMILY RECOVERS FROM TRAGEDY, DONATION OF FREE LAP DANCES HAS UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES
CONCRETE DECRIED
BUSH, IN APPALLING SING-SONG FAKE IRISH ACCENT CLAIMS 'O, NAY, I NEVER HAID NA CARE FER TOMORROW.'
PAUL WOLFOWITZ DESCRIBED WARMLY BY RUMSFELD AS "OUR FIFTH COLUMN IN THE WAR AGAINST PEACE.'
WOMAN ABOUT TO MAKE DAMN SURE SHE GETS SOME
ADMINISTRATION STUDIES WAYS TO ACCELERATE 9 INCH/ ANNUM NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENTAL DRIFT AWAY FROM EUROPE
'QUEER EYE' REVIEW OF PRESIDENT AIRCRAFT CARRIER TAPE: BUSH CLEARLY 'PRANCING'
ADORABLE KITTENS CONCERNED BY ENCOUNTER WITH FAMILY DOG - RAPIDLY RE-DEPLOY TO CUPBOARD-TOP REDOUBT
BICYCLE LANES VIEWED AS DOMESTIC TERRORISM
FACING RELENTLESS WAL MART ONSLAUGHT, BRAVE STAND OF MARINES AT WAKE ISLAND MINI-MALL MAY BE DOOMED AS U.S. SALES FLEET WITHDRAWS
