Wednesday, December 10, 2003

SCHWARZENEGER'S AGENDA FAILS, BLOWS CITY FUNDING, FORCED TO BACK DAVIS BOND DEAL, SUED FOR LIBEL, RETREATS FROM LICENSE PLAN, GROPING ALLEGATIONS PERSIST, SLAPPED BY WIFE, STUMBLES ON BANANA PEEL, STEPS IN BUCKET OF RED PAINT, KNOCKED BACKWARDS BY TRAY-LADEN WAITER OPENING DOOR, FINALLY FALLS DOWN THREE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS AND LANDS IN FRONT OF DERISIVE CHILDREN WHO PELT HIM WITH PUDDING CUPS.

ADMINISTRATION STRATEGY TO GET WORLD TO "NOT LIKE US SO MUCH AS RESPECT US" 50% SUCCESSFUL

S.F. MYSTERY MAYOR: JUST A SUIT OR JUST A HAIRCUT?

NANCY PELOSI'S EYEBROWS NOW FLOATING ABOVE HEAD LIKE IN A CARTOON

GORE LOVES BREAKFAST SAUSAGE, THOUGHT HE WAS ENDORSING JIMMY DEAN

LOVELY CNN ANCHOR RUDI BAHKTIAR CONTINUES TO DRESS SUPER-SHARP!

ADORABLE KITTENS WOULD REALLY LIKE KITTY TREATS

TAXICAB CONFESSOR CAUTIOUSLY ADMITS NOT GETTING ANY

LIEBERMAN TOTALLY WAITED BY PHONE FOR DAYS TO HEAR FROM AL AND HAS TO HEAR ABOUT HOWARD FROM ASHLEY RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF URBAN OUTFITTERS IN FRONT OF EVERYONE