Manhattan "Piano Assassin" Suspect in 3 East Village Squishings,
7 D# Minor Chords

December 7th Now "Living in 'Famy"

Outlook Grim as Wasilla Sinks Budget Into Attracting Bio-Tech

Concern Grows as Robots Shave Legs

The Flash's Squirrelly Attentions Irritate Wonder Woman

Tacoma Fooling Itself

Ann Coulter Glad to See Victoria's Secret Special

Hew and Cry Outpanics Hullaballoo

Fox Announces $30 Million Campaign to Convince America Adam Sandler Funny

Grim Reaper Backs Medicare Reform

Homo Erecti, Neanderthals, Troglodytes Abandon Limbaugh - Australiopithecenes Steadfast

Shoe on Other Foot Mirror Image of First Shoe

501st Top Company Sues Next Biggest; Minor Award Vaults Them in Fortune 500

Red '85 Dodge Coupe Sports 'Truly Pathetic' Leather Bra

Dalai Lama, Attending White House Speech, Heard to Mutter "Dumbfuck" Under Breath
Restraining Order Taken Out Against "American Woman"

Starving on Lifeboat, "Foodie" Insists on Provincal Italian Shoe

Convienient Technology Due to Become Oppressive Necessity

Cabbie Allows Merging Car to Go First

Uma Thurman, Liv Tyler, Gwen Stefani Apparantly Enter Some Sort of Secret Pact to Pretend to Ignore Seattle Artist

Eminem Hospitalized with Bout of Modesty

New Autobiography of FCC's Mike Powell: "Tool"

Famous NPR Opera Wit Somewhat Lost on Tweens

Intimidatingly Stylish Gallery-Going Culture Vultures Actually Community College Art History Majors

Merck Shares Gain with "Methacor" - New Time-Release Crank

Marketing Goon Mugs Poet- Makes Off with Nice Turn of Phrase

Limo Too Fucking Long

River Otter Reported Despondent

Seattle Based Boy-Band Doomed

Plaid Neither Comes Back Nor Completely Disappears

Sir Mix-A-Lot Sanctions Donut Craze

Will o' The Wisp Buys House, Settles Down

Resident Uses Seattle Monorail for Actuals Transport

Mom Concerned by Today's Culture

New Slightly Desperate Fashion Popular With Men

Family Values Include Walking 6 Abreast, Clogging Sidewalk

Apparant Political Protest Actually Furniture Sale