Sunday, December 28, 2003


Amelia Wilson, 7, Last Remaining Unmedicated American Child, Diagnosed with Little Girl Syndrome

Appeasment Waning in Popularity

Capitalism Vs. Democracy: Which Makes More Money?

In Back of Minivan, Packaged $37,000 Artwork Looks Much Like Box of $3.99 Christmas Lights

After Decades of Sacrifice and Work, New Owner of 10-Acre Marin Estate Misses Proximity to 7-Eleven

Lake Washington To Be Drained: Gates' Home Sinking

Iraqi Woman Dizzy with Market Opportunities

Jesus Gets Donut - Much Appreciated

Farm Products CEO Perplexed By Radish

Glory and Promise of America Fulfilled
as Tuvan Throat Singer Shills New Toaster for General Electric

Church Rejects "Good God, Bad God" Characterization

University of Michigan Study's Shocking Conclusion: Not Everyone in America will be Rich Later

Sound of Package Opening: Adorable Kittens' Ears Prick Up

Yosemite Goes Condo; Starting in the 750s

Anti-Makeover Terrorists Strike Chicago Studio With Sweat Pant Bomb

Apartment Dwellers Enjoying "Turf of the Month" Rental Club

Country Club Undertakes Humanitarian Effort - Caddy Sent to Caddy College

Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Park So Close to Hummer it Can't Leave

Ashley Wondering What May Lie Beyond the Mall

Club Med Bartender Racking Brain for New Way to Suggestively Ingest Tequila

The Nine Muses Rise To Bitch-Slap ClearChannel

Serb Nationalists Just Can't Get Enough Genocide

Singer Mocked Bitterly: Fashion Error, Not Vein-Clogging, Soul-Shrinking, Kindergarten-Rhyming Cheeseball Song

Blinking Light Preferred To Parents 2-1