US: Sadaam Could Use Regular Flossing

Physicists Declare Dark Matter Theory Supplanted by "Goth Matter"

Sadaam Reportedly was Following Phish, Living in Bars, Hangin' With Nick Nolte

Capitalism Reported as Nifty way for Owners of Capital to do Fuck-All

Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Occupy Parking Space

String Theory Turns Out to be as Easy as Looking at Pie

Depressed Walruses Lie Around All Day, Hardly Moving

Boeing Moves to Dominate Go-Kart Market

Parrots Sick of the Lies

Massive "Lame" Front Moves Through Eastern Washington; Spokane, Pasco Described as "Totally Lame"

Suzy at the HMO Decrees That I Shall Live

Jiffy Lube Branching Into Gynecology

Manageable Goal Revolutionaries Sticks Post-It to the Man

Berlin: German Anal Retentiveness Extensively Documented, Categorized, and Indexed Yet Still Ineffably Disorderly

Dumbshit Gives it A Whirl

A-Rod Traded To Ghana for it's GNP

Recording Label Attorney Faces Ethical Crisis in Six-Minute Increments

Urban Fruit Bats Evolving into Pop-Tart Bats

Bush Moon Plan Reformed as Moon Pie Plan

Windows XP Professional Fails to Impress Masai Warrior