Sunday, December 14, 2003

Lost Hunter Kills Bear with Knife, Crawls Inside Body to Stay Warm - Embarassing as Motel 6 Only 1/2mile Away.


Adorable Kitten Loses Certain Amount of Innocence When it Crushes, Eats Daddy-Long Legs

Bob Dylan's Son Ready for a Comeback

Too Fine a Point Put On Point By Man Saying "Not to Put Too Fine a Point On It"

Total Effort Produces Utter Debacle

U.S. Begins Mailing Millions of Individual Insults to French Citizens

Between Booze, Whores and Dryer Time, Laundromat Costs are Adding Up

Pfizer Introduces "Lifex" Pill, Unaffordable Treatment for Death

Nowdays, Old Men Got All the Money

Lexus ES Advanced Design Muffles Constant Bumps, Screams of Careless Pedestrians

As Expectations Wane, Disenchantment Grows

Branson, Missouri Hosts Starfish-Like Alien Which Disguises Itself as Theater Featuring Kenny Rogers and Gobbles Up Midwest Pop-Country Fans Like so Many Chicken-in-a-Biscuits

US Army's Ability to Rock Out Widely Discredited by Army Band

New Pizza is a Wheel of Hot Cheese With a Small Ring of Bread Inside

U.S. Promises More Enchantment

Minty Flavor Also Added to City Water Supply

Tankers Pouring Cherry Syrup into North Pole in Attempt to Make Enormous Slurpee

Wolves are After My Burrito

Romantic Carriage Ride Marred by Automatic Weapons Fire

Everyone but Everyone Hates Small, Unpleasant Boy

Alan Greenspan Cannot Contain Christmas Excitement

Dow Hits 10,000, But Your Ass is Grass

Costco Introduces Submersible Big Box Store in Puget Sound

Dumbshit Could Give a Fuck

Woman Uses Lincoln Navigator to Drive Right Over Curb into Lampost

Mob Beating of Executive Began with use of Word "Synergistic" in Justifying Mass Layoffs

Pigeon Feeling Randy

Revolutionary-Americans Split 50-50 on What to Do With Paris Hilton When Revolution Comes

Americans Tire of Amazing New Products, Switch Back to Products

Ink on Closing Dry 15 Minutes Before Ceiling Drips

Eternity of Torment Awaits Damned Socks

Ballard News-Tribune Pushes Comments Aside, Runs "Wild About Beavers" Headline

Enchantment Supplies Low, Prices Up