Lost Hunter Kills Bear with Knife, Crawls Inside Body to Stay Warm - Embarassing as Motel 6 Only 1/2mile Away.
HAPPINESS APPEARS ELUSIVE
Adorable Kitten Loses Certain Amount of Innocence When it Crushes, Eats Daddy-Long Legs
Bob Dylan's Son Ready for a Comeback
Too Fine a Point Put On Point By Man Saying "Not to Put Too Fine a Point On It"
Total Effort Produces Utter Debacle
U.S. Begins Mailing Millions of Individual Insults to French Citizens
Between Booze, Whores and Dryer Time, Laundromat Costs are Adding Up
Pfizer Introduces "Lifex" Pill, Unaffordable Treatment for Death
Nowdays, Old Men Got All the Money
Lexus ES Advanced Design Muffles Constant Bumps, Screams of Careless Pedestrians
As Expectations Wane, Disenchantment Grows
Branson, Missouri Hosts Starfish-Like Alien Which Disguises Itself as Theater Featuring Kenny Rogers and Gobbles Up Midwest Pop-Country Fans Like so Many Chicken-in-a-Biscuits
US Army's Ability to Rock Out Widely Discredited by Army Band
New Pizza is a Wheel of Hot Cheese With a Small Ring of Bread Inside
U.S. Promises More Enchantment
Minty Flavor Also Added to City Water Supply
Tankers Pouring Cherry Syrup into North Pole in Attempt to Make Enormous Slurpee
Wolves are After My Burrito
Romantic Carriage Ride Marred by Automatic Weapons Fire
Everyone but Everyone Hates Small, Unpleasant Boy
Alan Greenspan Cannot Contain Christmas Excitement
Dow Hits 10,000, But Your Ass is Grass
Costco Introduces Submersible Big Box Store in Puget Sound
Dumbshit Could Give a Fuck
Woman Uses Lincoln Navigator to Drive Right Over Curb into Lampost
Mob Beating of Executive Began with use of Word "Synergistic" in Justifying Mass Layoffs
Pigeon Feeling Randy
Revolutionary-Americans Split 50-50 on What to Do With Paris Hilton When Revolution Comes
Americans Tire of Amazing New Products, Switch Back to Products
Ink on Closing Dry 15 Minutes Before Ceiling Drips
Eternity of Torment Awaits Damned Socks
Ballard News-Tribune Pushes Comments Aside, Runs "Wild About Beavers" Headline
Enchantment Supplies Low, Prices Up
