Thursday, December 18, 2003


Dollar Gains Against Cents

Bomb-Disabling Device Saves Bomb

Window Closed; Adorable Kittens Suddenly Trapped Inside

Model Rocket Flight Cancelled Due to Mean Six-Grader

Beltway Outsider at Odds with Self

Adorable Kittens Totally Blown Away by Passing Vole

Oregon Court: Medical Marijuana Does Not Extend to Eugene Doctor's Monster Bong

Bush Visits Troops - Keeps Looking at Watch

FERC Pushes Hard for Coal-Fired Cell Phone Subsidy

Garment Workers Union Strikes in Solidarity with A-Rod in Contract Dispute

Summer Blackout: Evil Pixies from Zanitor At Root of Problem

Richard Nixon Zombie Bitterly Resents Charismatic JFK Zombie

Troubled Bridge Despondent, Attempts to Jump Off Self

'82 K-Car Shunned by Mercedes Service Dept

Sex Worker Caught Spot-Welding During Break

University of Michigan Study: Opening, Consuming Small Packets of Ketchup Robs Diners of Essential Human Dignity

Tiny Starbucks Stores Snuck Inside Individual Commuters' Mini-Vans Overnight


Real Estate Study: Toad-Brained Bigots with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder as Neighbors Increase Property Values

Tyco, Recovering From Scandal, Spins Off Operations to Concentrate Solely on Model Trains

Israeli Fence Bringing the World Together

Schwarzenegger Move Puts Brakes on California Bio-Robotic Research

Manageable Goal Revolutionaries Key Car Taking Up Two Spaces

Adorna, Elf of Rivendell, Daughter of Ragnar the Wise and Lornia the Fair, Fails to Get Upgrade Due to Angry Dispute Over Carry-On Items