ABOMINABLE SNOW OWL SWALLOWING TERRIERS WHOLE

STARBUCKS LOGO NOW SPORTING TINY NIKE LOGO

Robot Slacker will Free Humans From Stress of Hanging Around

Isolation of Sandwich Gene Will Allow Direct Harvest of Pastrami on Rye

Rocket Man Demoted to Jet Boy

Bush Announces Lichtenstein Now Cooperating with Anti-Terror Campaign; Monaco Eyed

Physicist Can Neither Describe What Happens to Matter in a Black Hole Nor Why He Persists in Wearing Blue Shoes and Brown Pants

Moose Faulted for No Sense of Timing

Rare Amazonian Three-Toed Tree Sloth Surprised by Jackson Indictment

Anna Kournakova Loses in Third Set of Whack-A-Mole

SUPREME COURT: BURDEN OF PROOF NOW RESTS ON ANONYMOUS INNUENDO

Man Seeking Capacitor Throws Radio Shack Into Total Chaos

Dress Barn Introduces Popular Panty Shed

Seahawks: Away-Game Charter Jet Leaking Carbon Monoxide into Cabin

Controversial SUV Runs on Otter Juice

Britany Spears Decries Shameless Sexual Exploitation of Christina Aguillera

Jerry Bruckheimer Ratings Magic Coming to C-SPAN