Bush Moon Plan Deflated When President Learns We've Already Been to Moon

Lichtenstein Governed Sarcastically

Mt. Coney's Volcanic Gases Invisible, Smell Like Carrots

Undead Zombie Orchestra Genius to Conduct 500th Seattle "Nutcracker"

British Chap Might Have a Go

After a Lifetime of Struggle, Another Big Fat Pile of Struggle

"Manageable Goal" Revolutionaries Topple Portland Coke Machine

24 Hour Bug Tries to Keep Realistic Expectations

Advanced US Thermonuclear Weapons Director at Los Alamos Lab Stuck Waiting Behind Demanding Grocery Customer Paying Slowly with Check

In CIA Leak Probe, Ashcroft Appoints Very Special Counsel

Disagreeable Brain-Frying Cannibals Repulsed by Music Industry

Subway's "Jared" Evidence Thin is on the Way Out

Secret Service Cocaine-Detecting German Shepard's Nose Goes Straight For President's Crotch

New York District Attorney's Office Steps Up Recruiting of Stunning Models as Deputy Assistant District Attorneys

Wolfowitz Reported Jilted in High School By French, Russian, German and Canadian Girls; American Girls Too.

Administration Psyched as New Mastercard with $4 Trillion Limit Arrives in the Mail

Seeking to Contain Salaries, Amgen, Immunex Now Raising Cloned Genetics Scientists in Vats

Adorable Kittens Turn Down Offer of Incredible Journey

Ashcroft Terrifies Lobster Man