Estate of Cab Calloway to Issue Heidi Heidi IPO

IKEA Introduces Chipboard Volvo

Mathematician's Friend is Lozenge and Supercomputer

Brain Teaser Just Trying to Get Brain in Bed

Micropeasants Developed for Grovelling in Hard to Reach Spots

Maya Angelou Shells out for Poetic Placement in Movie

Supermodel Peripatetic Transversing Lower East Side Sets New Land Speed Record

Monkey-Feces Tossing Spat engendered by Fillibuster

Haliburton to Eliminate Middlemen at IRS, Congress, Collect U.S. Taxes Directly

Moon Juice: Tang $250K Donation to GOP Revealed

Limbaugh, Dr. Laura Makeout Shown on Fox - GOP Birthrate Plummets

Molecular Transistors Used to Make Radio - Radio too Small to Use

T-Mobile Produces Wheelless Doublewide

Santa Drops Whole Fucking Coal Mine on Crawford, Texas

This Year's Billy Bass, "Chattering Cheney," Sales Disappointing

Village of Tupagah, Burkina Faso, Reports Things Are Hunky-Dory

Impossible Mission Force Sent to Discredit Bush Like a Kid in A Candy Store