MOB OF MUSCULAR ABSTRACT EXPRESSIONIST OIL PAINTERS PUNCH LIVING SNOT OUT OF JEFF KOONS, RAMPAGE THROUGH CHELSEA BEATING CONCEPTUAL, VIDEO ARTISTS SILLY

SPECIALIZED GPS DEVICE DEPLOYED TO LOCATE G-SPOT

CANADIAN ANTI-TERROR STRATEGY: APPEAR MEEK- FRIENDLY BUT UNASSUMING

WAL MART BEGINS EMPLOYING 'COMFORT WORKERS'

BRITANNY SPEARS RECENTLY INFORMED ABOUT ACTUAL RESPONSIBILITIES OF LESBIANISM

US CUSTOMS SEIZES TAIWAN CARGO SHIP, CONTENTS: OPRAH BOBBLEHEADS 'WAY BELOW PAR, NOT VERY SPROINGY, NOT EVEN BLACK, MORE LIKE CAL RIPKEN IN WIG'

99 CENT STORE TRANSPORTED WAY BACK IN TIME IN ATTEMPT TO BECOME PROFITABLE - BACKFIRES FIRST DAY

"COR BLIMEY, BLOODY DELCIOUS!" U.K. MCDONALD'S CAMPAIGN NIXED FOR U.S.

TEL AVIV BEVERAGE COMPANY INTRODUCES HEMICROBREW

LAST MAN TO UNDERSTAND, USE PHRASE '23 SKIDOO' PASSES AWAY AT 102, BURIED IN STRAW BOATER AND RACOON COAT

DOCTORS INFORM MADONNA SHE HAS ONLY 17 MONTHS LEFT TO BE CONSIDERED 'HOT'

UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN STUDY: GEORGE JETSON KIND OF A CHUMP

TV NEWS STATION DETERMINES POT ONLY SMOKED IN EXTREME CLOSE-UP

FOLLOWING TREND, LIEBERMAN, DISCUSSING MEDICARE IN DES MOINES, SWEARS LIKE A SAILOR

KMART SHOPPERS BALK AT PAYING ATTENTION

HILTON SISTERS ON SEX, PARTYING, DRINKING TEAR THROUGH EAST COAST; BUSH DAUGHTERS FEEL THE PRESSURE

POWERPUFF GIRLS UNABLE TO SAVE KINSHASA

PRESIDENT IN GOOD HEALTH, 'HIGH FUNCTIONING'

NEW VEGETABLE-OIL BASED ADAPTATION OF MOBY DICK RELEASED TO POOR REVIEWS

BARROW ORTHODOX JEWISH COMMUNITY SITTING TIGHT TILL FEBRUARY

WAL MART OCCUPIES NEW GUINEA AS BASE FOR OPERATIONS AGAINST AUSTRALIA

BUSH MADE TO UNDERSTAND CONCEPT OF 'ISLAND'