Chirstmas Candy Storm Dumps 12 Inches of Marshmellow Cream along Eastern Seaboard; Forecast for Weekend: Sprinkles.

Computer Organizing now much easier with Computer Organizing Computer

Animal Sports Breeding Practices Questioned as Iditarod Musher enters with team of 600 3 inch Malemutes

Release of Helium Gas into Chamber Fails to Lift Tense, Desparate Mood of Israeli-Palestinian Negotiations

Abercrombie and Fitch Catalog, Hustler "Hot Naked Elves" Issue Inadvertently Switched in Mail

"Crickey! Look at that $600 Billion Hole!" Melbourne Zoo Director's Tenure at Government Accounting Office may be Limited

UW English Department Academic Fiefdom Places Want Ads for "Grammatically Conscious, Jump-Suited Minions."

Administration pulls out of International Poodle Treaty "For Spite."

"Check Out This Little Bald Guy and 'is HUGE FANGS!!" Melbourne Zoo Director IDs White House source of CIA Agent Leak

Deep in Pentagon, Black Budget Surveillance Agency with NSA, Never Officially Acknowledged, Unable to Print Large JPEG file.

Reinstallation of Windows XP into Critical Computer Controlled System Updates Old Files, Floods Netherlands

Court Limits Intellectual Property to Books, Papers, Pipes, and Tweed Jackets

Karl Rove Hit by Tranquilizer Dart, Wrestled to Ground, Put in Bag and Driven Away by Melbourne Zoo Director

PJ Harvey No Longer Emotionally Available

Amgen Announces "Bootylicious Gene" Breakthrough

Massive $45 Billion Effort Redoubled, Tens of Thousands Mobilized, Divisions Assigned, Activity Reaches New Plateau of Ferocity; Purpose Obscure

Bush Moon Plan Requires Branding Moon

Rigorous Tests Confirm Robot Zombies Every Bit as Capable as Real Zombies