IN MARKETING DEAL, RICHARD THE THIRD ANNOUNCES "NOW IS THE WINTER OF OUR DISCONTINUED MATRESSES."

POLICE QUESTION JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES

Portugal Living Vicariously Through Brazil

INTENSE CRITICISM OF ENTROPY PETERING OUT

Andy Warhol Gets His Fifteen Years of Death

BioTech Secretary Recoils Instinctively From Proferred Fruit Basket

ROMAN CANDLE DISPLACED BY VISIGOTH FLASHLIGHT

Berlin Trucker Who Bought Imported Texas Flag Car Freshener Disappointed it was Actually Made in Indonesia

Japanese Home Robot Now Comes with Smaller Robot Cleaning Robot

U.S. Admits it Boged Out, Totally Spaced on North Korea with Their Nuclear Bomb and All

Crafts Store Installs New Lighting with 50% Boost in Pallor, Apparant Grubbiness, and Haunting Atmosphere of Doom