BUSH MOON PLAN DERIDED AS CYNICAL POLITICAL DISTRACTION FROM NEUTONIC SAUCER INVASION OF NEBULAR-7 PLAN

Haunting Strains of "Hotel California" Add Sense of Poignancy and Loss to Seattle Taco Time

MANAGEABLE GOALS REVOLUTIONARIES AGREE ON CALENDAR PAD SIZE; MARKER COLORS DISPUTED

PRESSURE OF INTERNAL STEAM OF EVIL EXPLODES KARL ROVE

NATIONAL FBI COLONOSCOPY DATABASE REVEALS DOMESTIC SECURITY RISK-PERSONS NEED MORE DIETARY FIBER

Ann Coulter: Boxers or Briefs?

Cher Orders 2nd Replacement Body Grown

Harvard-University of Michigan Entymologist Team IDs, Removes Giant New Species of Enormous Bug From John Ashcroft's Ass

Confusion Cleared at White House as Moon Demonstrated to Be Spherical

Wal Mart Breaks Happy Faces Local #436 Union, Replaces with 'Smirky Mugs' Scabs