WEEBLE COLLAPSES AND DIES

Outsourcing Software Company Accidently Outsources Jobs All The Way Around the World And Back to Itself

TECHNOLOGY WILL MAKE THE WORLD SMALLER AGAIN AS PENTAGON DEPLOYS NEW SHRINK RAY

BUSH AGREES TO THREE DEBATES; FORMAT: 3-SYLLABLE GENERALITIES

Rush Limbaugh Snorting Ground-Up Twelve-Step Plans

IT TURNS OUT SHE ALREADY CAME AROUND THE MOUNTAIN SOME TIME WELL BEFORE SHE CAME

Kidnapped Six-Year Old Located in Wal-Mart at 11PM, Stocking Shelves

COAL SEAM HOPELESSLY TRAPPED IN FLOWERY MEADOW

Floating Alien Brain From Nebular-7 Irked by Malfunctioning Hot/Cold Shower Water Knob

APRIL FOOL'S DAY QUIETLY MOVED TO EARLY NOVEMBER

Distance from Portland to Seattle Re-estimated at 547 Miles as the Unfocused Drunken Crow O.D.ing
on Sudafed Flies

Adorable Kittens Report Bird Missing

Mudville Joy Tempered

MOON KNOCKED SLIGHTLY FROM ORBIT BY GRAVITATIONAL PULL OF NEW FORD SUV

Radioactive Bananas Set off Split Detector

Jesus Blows Cookies at Passion

Coming Up on Headlines: Which of Your Personal Weaknesses Has Your Tweens Rifling Through the Liquor Cabinet?