ROME SOURS AS CITY IS SACKED BY RHUBARBARIANS

U.S. THROWS CURVE BY HANDING OVER IRAQ TO TAHITI

U.S. HOTTIE SATELLITE PROBE TO TEST EINSTEIN'S THEORY OF FASHION TRENDS

LAST MINUTE DISAGREEMENT AMONG UNITS STALLS PLANNED FORMATION INTO GROUPS

New Fascist Order Selects "Soft, Throbbing Techno" As Ubiquitous Background Music

Iraqi Economy Stumbles as MI Abrams Tank Crushes Magazine Stand

GOP Helmer Ed Gillespe Forced To Defend Confederate Underwear Decision

A WHOLE WAR FOR OIL AND GAS PRICES DOUBLE

Woodward Book: Iraq Kept Stealing Young Wolfowitz's Lunch Money

Rumsfeld's Grammar Entangles Krygykystan

Coming Up on Headlines: Why an Administration Official Praises Outsourcing of Marital Relations