CANADA BLAMES PAKISTAN FOR DESTABILIZATION AS YUKON TERRITORY GETS THE BOMB

WHITE HOUSE: IRAQIS SUPPORTING INSURGENCY ARE STUCK-UP

TRINIDAD & TOBAGO AND BOSNIA-HERZEGOVINA WILL SHOW UNITED FRONT

Weasel has Been Smoking Too Much

Nipped by Adorable Kitten, Man Attempting to Change Tire On Incline Leapt In and Rolled Into Harbor, Where His SUV Struck Incoming Grain Ship, Spilling Oatmeal into Water, Which Solidified Just In Time to Prevent Him Being Eaten by School of Six-Gilled Sharks, Explains to the Coast Guard That He is Not Normally Enamoured of Physical Comedy

BATMAN on 60 Minutes: "That High-Heeled Jackboot Fascist Ashcroft's Pig Ball-Sack Face is Curiously Spewing Mad Cow Shit"

Coming up on Headlines: Why Blog Viewing May Reverse Cancer

Republican-Owned Voting Machine Software Runs Perfectly Except for "D=Delete" Error

Color Blind Girl Remains Convinced Gravel Barge is Full of Jelly Beans

Polar Bears Charter DC Flight To Smack Around Cheney

Bush Caught Misusing Lincoln Logs

Travelling in Bejiing, Murderous Kim Jong Il Enjoys a Refreshing "Sprite"

Ann Coulter Cut from Buccaneer's Secondary

Fox News Suing Headlines for Copyright Violation on Making Up News

Man Bumped Mid-Trip By Long-Defunct Western Airlines and Trapped in Salt Lake Airport for last 25 Years Forced To Rely on Glo-in-the-Dark Dildo Sales to Travelling Mormons

Hi-Tech Auto Spell Check Pencil Slowly Ground Up

Own Brain Still Misinforming Republican

7 Year Old With Walkie-Talkie Reports Successful Communication With Martians