SKI PATROL NAPALMS SNOWMOBILE

Patrons at "Clown Pie Restaraunt" Disappointed in Prompt, Professional Service

Stereo Nazi Annexes Car Toys

BATMAN TO COMMISSION: "JOHN ASHCROFT COULDN'T FIND HIS OWN DICK WITH A CONTOUR MAP AND A TEAM OF GAY COWBOYS"

RECORD 2 BILLION PEOPLE WINCE IMAGINING WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO POP INTO BUSH'S HEAD

Distant Star Likes to Pretend to Be Incoming Jet

Sailboat Report: Sand Point Aptly Named

Ratings Gambit: Public Television Drops First "L"

Tinky Winky Apologizes for 9/11

Giant Floating Brain From Nebular-7 Put Into Mild Depression By Taco Bell Receipt

Coming Up on Headlines: Does Your Dog Resent Your Thumbs?