The Today's Tomorrow's Headlines Old Standbys Edition
POLICEMAN FINDS NOTE TAPED TO BACK WHICH SAYS "THIS WAY TO KRISPY KREME"
KANSAS CITY TAKEN ABACK BY TSUNAMI WARNING
A FRUSTRATED PRIEST, RABBI, AND ACCOUNTANT WALK INTO THE INFORMATION BOOTH AT THE CHICAGO AIRPORT AND DEMAND DIRECTIONS TO THE BAR
HIGHLY CRITICIZED GOVERNMENT EFFORT FAILS TO REDUCE THREAT OF CONTINENTAL DRIFT
WALMART SHELVES NOW STOCKING SMALLER, HEAVILY DISCOUNTED DISCOUNT STORES
ADORABLE KITTENS TENDER OFFER TO SIT ON LAP
Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Bust Pinata Bush in the Nuts
Robot Scientist Who Contributed His Arm to Space Shuttle Would Like It Back if No One is Using It
BATMAN: "Who in Holy Butt-Fuck Pissed in John Goatfucking Ashcroft's Motherfucking Cheerios?"
FIRE DESTROYS CRAWFORD, TEXAS LIBRARY - 'BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTRY' MOISTENED AND STAINED