Sunday, July 25, 2004

President Bush Leads Expedition Deep Into Upper Waters of the Amazon, Enters State of Deep Meditation and Consumes Poison Dart Frog Toxins to Reach a Mortal Struggle With Osama Bin Laden On the Jaguar Spirit Plane

Study Reveals Pop Country Cowboy Hats Are Actually Once Rare Life Forms Which Live Surprising Well By Sucking Out Small Amounts of Talent From Head

Kellogs Fires Exec In Frosted Arugula Misstep

Boy, 8, Shows Careless Disregard for Simple Rules Against Toying With God's Laws, Dooming Nevada

St. Francis of Assisi Flunks Evening Kickboxing Class

Adorable Kittens Employ the Retort Fuzzy

Tornado Fails to Destroy Mobile Home

Surgeons Working Around the Clock At Bethesda Naval Hospital Attempt to Separate Fraternal Twins, 32, Mostly With Childish Taunts And Imprecations Concerning Sexual Proclivities

Coming Up on Headlines: Could Your Preassembled Metal Shed Be Hiding Pakistan's Nuclear Weapons Program?