Convention Shocker as John Edwards Delivers 2 Incredible Hours of Obscene, Sticky, Anatomically Unlikely Suggestions to Dick Cheney

Gov. Jeb Bush Reaffirms Florida's Principle of One Man, 3/4ths to One and 5/8ths Vote

Questioned in Scouting Incident, Ann Coulter Denies Foisting S'mores of Death

Severe Thunderstorms Seem to Hamper Coin-Operated Laundry Soap Dispenser

Sen. Obama Tapped As New James Bond

Republicans Accuse Kerry of Recklessly Seeking Presidency

In Africa Policy Shift, Teresa Heinz-Kerry Pushes War for Ketchup

Bob Novak Sells Out American Secrets to Iran For Box of Slightly Stale Cheez-Its

Adorable Kittens Use Sharp Claws to Climb Up Dick Cheney's Inner Thighs

Dell Laptop Screen Blocking View of Everything Below Sexy Overbite

GOP STRATEGISTS DEFIANTLY DECLARE "WE SHALL NOT BE DISUADED FROM MAKING SHIT UP"

Ron Reagan Gives Bill O'Reilly Vulcan Death Grip