John Kerry Already Forced to Clarify That John Edwards is Running Mate

Ann Coulter Reportedly Forcing Cute, Endangered Koala Bears Into Unnatural Sex Acts With Other Neo-Fascist She-Males

Was It Liv Tyler Obscured Behind That Passing 1967 Mustard Yellow Ford Econoline Van?

Chickens Org. Will Seek Significant Reparations

Plato, Neo-Con of Athens, Sucks Up to Pericles To Cover Up Spartaphilia

Austria Apologizes For Peristent Inability to Distribute the Wonder of Viennese Pastry To Everyone All Over The World

Mookie the Phelmgy Drum Majorette Hocks a Solid Green One 42 Meters

Nike Business Model Eliminates Shoe Production - Institutes Service Wherby Consumers Pay a Monthly Fee To Be Culturally Associated With Sports Figures in Their Own Mind

Adorable Kittens Fingered As Cause of Wicker Basket of Yarn Fiasco

Restaraunt Featuring Provencal Style with a Bit of Northwest Fusion Forced To Add Pull-Tabs

Coming Up on Headlines: Your Mailman's GrowingSchadenfreude