Saturday, May 29, 2004

SURPRISE MOVE BY IRAQ COUNCIL TAPS BEN AFFLECK FOR P.M.

Aardvark Sick of Ants; Will Seek Cheesecake

Tonight Alone, Thousands of Late-Night Meal Orders Expected to Be Served With Insufficient Ketchup Packets

ACTOR PLAYING GERMAN AIRMAN EXPRESSES CONCERN OVER PRETEND SPITFIRES

Dick Cheney Signs Onto Everquest Server as GothPrincess47

Awkward Teenager Badly Mishandles Boob Touching Opportunity

101st Airborne Requisites More Sherbet

Leading Buddhist Scholars Order Exhaustive Karmatic Analysis of Hugh Hefner