SICILY FLIPS OUT, SCREAMS: "ITALY IS ABOUT TO KICK US!"

LOVE DEMONSTRATED BY EXTENDED LEASE OF LATE MODEL CAR

PEACE-LOVING IGUANA BITES BUSH ON ANKLE

Fog-Bound Flock of Flying Manatees Impales Tons of Blubber on Trump Tower Pokey Bits

ESTEE LAUDER IRONICALLY SHOT WITH LIPSTICK GUN

MILWAUKEE SUBURB ERECTS CHEESEHENGE

Politically Indecisive Santa Termed Independent Clause

Massive Military Intense Frequency Radar Investigating Solar Corona Detects Murdoch Ego-Waves

Little Leaguers' Humiliating Performance Totally Inexcusable