ASHCROFT CALLS CONSTITUTION TOO LONG AND BORING; WILL BE REPLACED BY "CLIFF'S RIGHTS"
CONGRESS PROPOSES STEEP NEW TAX ON NOT MAKING MONEY
BOLD NEW PLAN: U.S. Unveils Iraq Presidency Powerball
Jobs Plan, Foresty Reforms Free Central Park for Logging
Ad Agency Asst. Director Gets Down on Knees and Pitifully Begs Major Client to Not Use Bachman Turner Overdrives's "Takin' Care of Business'
Documents Reveal Halliburton Owns Virginia
Ann Coulter Attempts to Annex Sudatenland
Cute Puppy Attracting Attention Thwarts Plan to Slyly Check Out Particularly Fine Booty
George F. Will Admits Latent Hippiness
Cat Shows Adorable Kitten What's What