PRESIDENT ARRIVES IN ROME - EXPRESSES DELIGHT AT MEETING REAL ROMANIANS

TENET RESIGNS; AGENT SMART FINALLY TAKES REIGNS

Traffic Judge Becomes Violently Self-Effacing, Suspends Own License

WAL MART Declares War on Poverty - Begins Shooting Employees

Mr. Thatcher P. Thistwhistle, of Thurston County, is Appalled by Poor English Pronounciation by Visiting Parisians

IN ADDRESS TO NATION, PASTRAMI ON RYE DECLAIMS "CRISIS OF SUBSTANDARD AMERICAN POTATO SALAD"

Rush Limbaugh Rejects Comparison to The Hindenberg: Was a German Passenger Airship and a Bloated Fascist Bag of Gas That Could Explode at Any Moment

Tenet Admits CIA Just Got Most of It's Facts Off the Internet

Coming Up on Headlines: Why an Older Man in Grey Tweed May Come By the House to Explain Everything You've Done Wrong