News Editor Leads With Smaller But Slightly More Ironic Explosion

Rules Relaxed: First Car on Ferry Will Now Be Permitted to Pretend to Drive Ferry

Supreme Court Ruling Allowing Police to Demand Identity Makes Narrow Exception for Philosophy Majors

Army Will Give Abused Iraqi Prisoners All-Day Water Slide Passes

Ann Coulter Continues to Deny Completely Baseless, Entirely Conjectural Allegations of Manhattan Child Indentured Domestic Servitude Trade as well as False and Spurious Reports of Masturbating to Official Portraits of Bill and Hilary Clinton

Spain Files $534 Trillion Suit in Dade County for Return of North America

Al Qaeda Inflitration of Danish Olympic Synchronized Swimming Team Not Particularly Successful