WOOKIE AMBASSADOR TO EARTH EXPRESSES DISAPPOINTMENT IN TONY BLAIR

TEST OF INTERNET VOTING ELEVATES EMINEM TO 4TH PLACE IN MICHIGAN CAUCUSES

MARS ROVER DRILLS INTO MARS SURFACE- STRIKES NOUGAT

IN TEARY NBC INTERVIEW, BUSH ADMITS LIFE-LONG SHAME OF SPEAKING ONLY PIDGIN ENGLISH

FIRE-FIGHT IN SUNNI TRIANGLE AS FIJIAN DIVISION LAUNCHES OPERATION 'FURIOUS CORAL'

Los Angeles Hospital Competition Heats Up with Catastrophic Heart Failure ER Discount Coupons

University of Michigan Study IDs "Hot-Chick Hit-On Scenario Bio-Software" in Constant Male Operation

A Particularly Wily Coyote Suing Warner Bros. For Image Copyright Infringement, Cruel Defamation

ADORABLE KITTENS WATCHING TOO MUCH AQUARIUM

University of Robots Ethics Course Incorporating Star Trek Episode Re Issue of Whether To Explode as Reaction to Logical Conundrums

Collective Gasp of 93 Million People In Jasckon Nipple Flap Recorded for Use in Anti-Riot Trucks

University of Robots Endowment Drive Targeting ATM Machine Alums

Howard Dean Mounts Gnarly Chopper on Ride into the West

Dennis Miller Breaks Snideometer

Aritificially Intelligent Anti-Ballistic Missile System will Launch From Alaska, Land Near Pyongyang Palace and Instigate Tricky Disarmament Negotiations with Kim Jong Il

PACIFIC PUDDING SHARK HAS SPOON-SHARP TEETH

Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Boycotting Halliburton In Any Potential Drilling Muds Contract

University of Michigan Poll Indicates 12% of Americans Just Driving Around Because They Don't Want to Go Home Right Away