Tuesday, February 17, 2004

FRENCH FRIES PRIME SUSPECT IN DRIVE-THRU CARBO-LOADING

FUNDAMENTALIST BIBLE INTERPRETATION QUESTIONS RAISED AS PAT ROBERTSON TURNED INTO ANTELOPE

DEBEERS ATTACKS NEW ARTIFICIAL HIGH-QUALITY DIAMONDS AS DISRESPECTING LONG-HONORED TRADITIONS OF VIOLENCE, MONOPOLY AND RETALIATORY MUTILATION IN THE DIAMOND TRADE

BBC REPORTS EXTENSIVELY ON TONY BLAIR'S INEXHAUSTABLE PERSONAL CHARISMA

KERRY SLIGHTLY PUT OUT BY VEHEMENCE OF AFFAIR DENIAL BY ATTRACTIVE 27-YEAR OLD REPORTER

SNOOP DOG SHILLSHIZZLING FOR RADIO SHACK

AT NASCAR, BUSH ASKS ABOUT THE KIND OF TRAINING USED FOR THE HIGH-SPEED CHAUFFEURING

Unemployed Chinese Communist Seriously Pissed Off

Tech Employees Replaced by Indian Specialists; CEO Replaced By Tape Recorder With Huge Bank Account

Adorable Kittens Reporting More Birds in the Yard

Young Evolutionary Biology Professor Challenging Older, Dominant Full Professor for Research Assistants

Newsome Gay Marriage Move Simultaneously Courageous and Pandering

TOP SCIENTISTS EXPLORE OUTSOURCING AMERICAN CARBOHYDRATES

Toby Keith Hit: "We Love to Beat Up Puppies"

Small Children Hatch Secret Candy Factory Plot

Economics Mathematician Demonstrates Conclusively that Milk Prices are Fixed Shortly Before He is Kicked Out of the Grocery Store