WHITE HOUSE ISSUES PAPERWORK PROVING BUSH ON BASE IN ALABAMA - A 1973 OFFICER'S CLUB BAR TAB FOR $28,453

CHEVRON, PETCO MERGE TO BECOME STANDARD POODLETROLEUM

INTEL PLAN WILL SHIP ENTIRETY OF PORTLAND, OREGON METRO AREA TO BANGALORE

Espresso Ordering Process has Normally Confident Sea Pirate Feeling Out of His Depth at Bellvue Starbucks

WAL MART CALLS FOR REFORM OF ANTIQUATED ANTI-BUSINESS LAWS WHICH RESTRICT SERFDOM

TREASURY DEPARTMENT TO MAKE DEFICIT MORE FUN WITH GIANT GLASS TUBE WHERE VISITORS CAN WATCH THE BILLIONS SUCK UP INTO THE VOID

Drudge Resents Constantly Elbowing By More Assertive, Higher-Ranking Pond-Dwelling Protozoa

Pandemonium Ensues as Adorable Kitten Falls Off TV into Other Adorable Kitten

Administration Plan Will Extend Credit Cards to Newborn Infants to Cover Unanticipated Childhood Expenses, National Debt

Westminster Kennel Club Withdraws Top Bitch Award From Ann Coulter as Gender Questions Persist

Constant WTC Site Design Changes Force Freedom Tower Builders to Use Legos

Minelli, Jackson Divorce Settlements Affected as California Consitution Changed to Reflect Schwartzenegger's Promise to Stop Gay Marriage Between a Man and A Woman

San Diego Fiberglass Store Assistant Manager Receives Fulbright to Botswanna to Study Mysterious Jungle Epoxy

Interview with Cloud Bank Reveals Abiding Affection for the Northwest

Cafe Riding Fine Line Between Attractively Distressed and Just Plain Falling Over

Ann Coulter Getting that Recurring Dream Again Where She's Giving Zombie Francisco Franco an Altoids Hummer