Monday, March 01, 2004

IN ACCORDANCE WITH SECRET PLAN, HOLLYWOOD OSCAR NIGHT GALA DESTROYS FAMILY, CAPITALISM

Michael Eisner Knifed in Alley by Giant Rodent

Peter Jackson Very Nearly Buttons Collar

University Computer Lab Users Indistinguishable in Behavior From Canned Green Peas Inspectors

Robot Receptionist Held Back From Promotion Due to Blow Job Disability

Gregarious Paris Shares Nefarious Ferret

Adorable Kittens Get Paper Cups Stuck on Head

Eskimo Pies Splattered as Explosion in Gaza Strip Caused By Ice Cream Truck Compressor Malfunction

George W. Bush Urged Not to Drive Car With Ass Muscles

Even in Librarian Glasses, Liv Tyler One Sexy Fucking Elf

For Committed Delegates, John Edwards Offering to Knock $1500 off New Kias

University of Michigan Study: Strong Correlation Between Movie Quality and Geographical Distance from Los Angeles