FLOATING ALIEN BRAIN FROM NEBULAR-7 PRESSES HOTEL CLERK FOR MORE APPROPRIATE SKIN MOISTURIZER

MICHAEL EISNER HEADED FOR THE HAPPIEST DUMPSTER ON EARTH

ZONING VARIANCE MAY UPSET SENIOR CITIZEN

MICROSOFT TO PROVIDE TOTAL OFFICE SOLUTIONS FOR WHICH THERE ARE NO ACTUAL OFFICE PROBLEMS

US AGREES TO "TRADING GOVERNMENTS" REALITY SHOW

UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN ASTROPHYSICS ADVANCED STRING THEORY RESEARCH PROGRAM HAMPERED BY GRANNY KNOT POSTULATE

SUPERCARRIER USS CARL VINSON DEPLOYED TO INTIMIDATE BELGIUM