BILLIONAIRE RECEIVES $250 Mn TAX BENEFIT AND INSTANTLY HIRES THOUSANDS OF AMERICANS AT GOOD WAGES

IN FURTIVE COMPETITIVE STEP, PORK TO BE CHICKEN-FLAVORED

BUSH UP TILL 2AM TUNING RIDING MOWER

It's Pretty Clear from too Many Hanging Vinyl Bud-Light Special Signs That This Bar is in Serious Financial Trouble

Bush Reported Sobbing at "Nation Builders Anonymous" Meeting

Glass Installation Business Employees Getting Stoned

As Polls Slide, Professional Evil Genius Organization Yanks Rove's Credentials

EAT KETCHUP FOR DEMOCRACY

NADER: 'EVERYONE IS STUPID'

BOEING PROFIT PRESSURE EXAMINED AS NEW JAPANESE 7E7 WINGS APPEAR TO BE MADE OF DOPED FABRIC

Georgia National Guardsman Stuck for 8th Month in Mosul Reflects that Welding Tech Class at Community College Might Not Have Been Such a Bad Choice

Elementary School Teacher Derides 4th Grader's Stained Glass Homer Simpson as Derivative

One People Fair Trade Coffee Muscles in On Holistic Earth Organic Java Biz

View of Attractive Woman Walking Down Street Blocked By Chrome Milk Truck

Boise Man Gives Up Trying to Compete with Viggo Mortensen

Floating Brain From Nebular-7 Should've Used Neuron-o-Fax to Ring Pals Up for Indian Food Buffet

Woman Waiting For Bus Both Glad It's Here and Strangely Irritated at Getting On

CHUMPS RALLY TO SQUASH DWEEBS, 8-2.

Mob Assassin Embarassed While Driving to Hit with Target in Back as Bjork Starts Up on Mercedes CD

Secret Plan of Super Wealthy Saudi Relgious Fascists to Randomly Favor Center-Left Socialist Spanish Government Succeeds

OHIO COLLEGE STUDENT ON PACKAGE VACATION IN DOMINICAN REPUBLIC BECOMING VAGUELY CURIOUS ABOUT THE NEAR ABSENCE OF BLACK PEOPLE

Salem PTA Cupcake 3-Day Bake-Off Fills $162 Mn Hole in OR State Education Budget

New York Times Receives Ominous "You've Been Ignoring Us" Letter From Disgruntled Submarine-Based Ballistic Missles