Alaska Cargo Ship Disaster Captain Had Accidently Swapped Aleutian Islands Chart With 'Family Circus' Cartoon

GUILTY! SCOTT PETERSON TO FACE DEATH FOR HOGGING NATION'S VALUABLE NEWS TIME

Left Plugged In for Last 6 Weeks, A Diebold Voting Machine Pushes Wisconsin Bush Margin to 535 Million

Fired Assistant Suggests That Stone Cold Bitch Took It All Wrong

SANTA DROPS THE COAL BOMB

CO-PILOT'S ACHINGLY DULL STORY OF REPEATED WINNEBAGO REPAIRS AT MONTANA R.V. DEALERSHIP BEGINING TO ENDANGER FLIGHT 71

Greedly Stripper Falsely Insinuates Future Relationship

BRIGAND PIRATE "CAPTAIN BLOOD" CAPTURES TWINS, JULIA ROBERTS' HEART

FORMER NAZI CAMP GUARD FORCED TO LEAVE AMERICA, WITHDRAW AS HOMELAND SECURITY SECRETARY APPOINTEE

CANADIAN FORCES TAKE BELLINGHAM WITH MINIMAL RESISTANCE

TV Tonight: Mild Eccentrics To Trade Barbed Yet Loving Insults

Adorable Kittens Forced to Lick Embarassing Places in Public

Coming Up on Headlines: Laptop Overheating of Testicles Causing Births of Unholy Antler People