Employees' Health Care Concerns Addressed With Thousands of New Robots

Stand-Off In Najaf Ends, Iraqi Government Will Send 71 Virgins Immediately

Affidavit: "Hulk Say Sean Hannity is Goering's Bat-Faced Pomeranian"

Radioactive Stream Pollution Rapidly Evolving Muskrats in Music Industry Executives

Enron Tapes Detail Exec's $12 Million Phone Sex Call to 1-800-ShavedMen

U.S. BASKETBALL TEAM BREAKS OUT MONSTER BONG IN THIRD QUARTER

Accusations of "One-Upsman-Evilship" Fly Between Sudan and Congo

Bush: I Honked More Blow Than Any Boatload of Vietnam Guys

Saudi Scientist Nearly Discovers Clitoris

In Compromise with Feds, Martha Stewart's Taxes Will Be Cut

Impressed Judge Agrees Quantum Physicist May or May Not Have Exceeded Time on Parking Meter

Dick Cheney Seen Skipping Through Field of Daisies

Microsoft Patents Alphabet, All Products Resulting From Alphabet (c) 2004 Microsoft Corp.

6 Cheese 3-Meat Pizza Hits Floor Out of Oven, Dies of Heart Attack

In Nerd Fantasy Compromise, Liv Tyler Agrees to Pretend to Not be Married

Adorable Kittens Reportedly Sanguine About Upcoming Week

Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Fill in Karl Rove's Email on Several Gay Porn Sites

Neo-Kierkegardian Philospher To Increase Market Penetration

St. Francis of Assisi Concerned About For-Profit Health Care Industry's Liability Exposure; Luke Decries Excessive Malpractice Awards

Walter Wants His Effin Money

COMING UP ON HEADLINES: How You Can Personally Stop Global Warming, And Why the Mink Oil Lobby Won't Tell You