ALABAMA AIR NATIONAL GUARD VETS ACCUSE BUSH OF LYING ABOUT 1972 BEER BONG RECORD

"Timmy's" Executive Order 417 Suspends U.S. Constitution

Fascist Traffic Court Judge With Obvious Personal Vendetta Stung Witless By Letter to Editor

GOP MODERATES CALL FOR BAN ON DIRTY THOUGHTS BROUGHT TO MIND BY CALLING FOR BAN ON DIRTY THOUGHTS

2 GRAD STUDENTS SLIGHTLY INJURED AS UNIV. OF WASHINGTON APPLIED PHYSICS LABORATORY VAN ROLLS KINETICALLY OFF CLIFF

Giant Floating Brain From Nebular-7 Resolves to Lose That Unsightly Cellulite that Tends to Build Up Around the Cerebellum

Doctors Drain Fluids From Injured Pirate - Get Rum Punch

Walter Asks Leave to Express His Hostility

Proud New Ring Tone Owner is Beaten to Death at Ballet

Adorable Kittens To Nestle on Labrador

Vicious Terrorist Intrigued By 24 free Red Lobster Dinners With Windshield Replacement Offer

Steaming Hot Pastrami Sandwich Denounces GOP Convention

Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Give Voter Registration Form to Nice Guy on the Bus

Ballet Company Dancers Expresses Remorse for Death of Country Star Toby Keith

Uma Thurman Again Missing Incredible Dinner Opportunity in Seattle

Coming Up on Headlines Weather: What's About to Make Hurricane Charley look Like Hurricane Mother Teresa