F-28 ANGELS SECURE MIDDLE EAST AIRSPACE giotto
Monday, August 30, 2004
QUAGMIRE ACCOMPLISHED credit: witty NY protestor
BUSH'S COMMENT THAT WE CAN'T WIN THE WAR ON TERROR MISPOKE; WAS MEANT TO BE "I CAN'T WIN THE WAR ON TERROR"
KOMODO DRAGON WITH RABIES, (R) CONGRESSMAN FROM TX, AVOIDS GOP CONVENTION SPOTLIGHT
LIBERAL ARTS MAJOR RETURNING FROM ST. JOHN'S COLLEGE DIAGNOSED WITH POST-SOCRATIC STRESS SYNDROME
Bong-Toting Hippie Mugged By Gang of 3-Toed Amazon Sloths: "It all Happened So Fast." old punchline!
JOHN MCCAIN: GEORGE BUSH HAS THE COURAGE TO CAJOLE AND INTIMIDATE MODERATE REPUBLICANS INTO AN AWKWARD FACADE OF SUPPORT
Israel Agents with Underachievement Issues Flip Georgetown Barrista
Adorable Kittens Take Down Ferocious Water Buffalo In Their Dreams
Americans Extremely Divided on Whether America is Extremely Divided
Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Organize 500,000 Person March But Lose Car Keys in Union Square Through Hole in Shorts Pocket
Welsh Radicals Kidnap French Journalists: Demand Paris "Lose the Attitude"
Managables Goals Revoltionary Singer in Thoroughly Modern Millie Revival Deliberately Gives Her Less Than Best Performance
Giant Floating Brain From Nebular 7 Talked into Unnecessary New Car Undercoating
Working With Pat Robertson, St. Francis of Assisi Condemns Foreign Aid to Ethiopia
Coming Up on Headlines Weather for Candyland: Incoming Hot Cocoa Storm Expected to Bring Chocolate Streams to Flood Stage
BUSH'S COMMENT THAT WE CAN'T WIN THE WAR ON TERROR MISPOKE; WAS MEANT TO BE "I CAN'T WIN THE WAR ON TERROR"
KOMODO DRAGON WITH RABIES, (R) CONGRESSMAN FROM TX, AVOIDS GOP CONVENTION SPOTLIGHT
LIBERAL ARTS MAJOR RETURNING FROM ST. JOHN'S COLLEGE DIAGNOSED WITH POST-SOCRATIC STRESS SYNDROME
Bong-Toting Hippie Mugged By Gang of 3-Toed Amazon Sloths: "It all Happened So Fast." old punchline!
JOHN MCCAIN: GEORGE BUSH HAS THE COURAGE TO CAJOLE AND INTIMIDATE MODERATE REPUBLICANS INTO AN AWKWARD FACADE OF SUPPORT
Israel Agents with Underachievement Issues Flip Georgetown Barrista
Adorable Kittens Take Down Ferocious Water Buffalo In Their Dreams
Americans Extremely Divided on Whether America is Extremely Divided
Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Organize 500,000 Person March But Lose Car Keys in Union Square Through Hole in Shorts Pocket
Welsh Radicals Kidnap French Journalists: Demand Paris "Lose the Attitude"
Managables Goals Revoltionary Singer in Thoroughly Modern Millie Revival Deliberately Gives Her Less Than Best Performance
Giant Floating Brain From Nebular 7 Talked into Unnecessary New Car Undercoating
Working With Pat Robertson, St. Francis of Assisi Condemns Foreign Aid to Ethiopia
Coming Up on Headlines Weather for Candyland: Incoming Hot Cocoa Storm Expected to Bring Chocolate Streams to Flood Stage
Friday, August 27, 2004
ALABAMA AIR NATIONAL GUARD VETS ACCUSE BUSH OF LYING ABOUT 1972 BEER BONG RECORD
"Timmy's" Executive Order 417 Suspends U.S. Constitution
Fascist Traffic Court Judge With Obvious Personal Vendetta Stung Witless By Letter to Editor
GOP MODERATES CALL FOR BAN ON DIRTY THOUGHTS BROUGHT TO MIND BY CALLING FOR BAN ON DIRTY THOUGHTS
2 GRAD STUDENTS SLIGHTLY INJURED AS UNIV. OF WASHINGTON APPLIED PHYSICS LABORATORY VAN ROLLS KINETICALLY OFF CLIFF
Giant Floating Brain From Nebular-7 Resolves to Lose That Unsightly Cellulite that Tends to Build Up Around the Cerebellum
Doctors Drain Fluids From Injured Pirate - Get Rum Punch
Walter Asks Leave to Express His Hostility
Proud New Ring Tone Owner is Beaten to Death at Ballet
Adorable Kittens To Nestle on Labrador
Vicious Terrorist Intrigued By 24 free Red Lobster Dinners With Windshield Replacement Offer
Steaming Hot Pastrami Sandwich Denounces GOP Convention
Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Give Voter Registration Form to Nice Guy on the Bus
Ballet Company Dancers Expresses Remorse for Death of Country Star Toby Keith
Uma Thurman Again Missing Incredible Dinner Opportunity in Seattle
Coming Up on Headlines Weather: What's About to Make Hurricane Charley look Like Hurricane Mother Teresa
"Timmy's" Executive Order 417 Suspends U.S. Constitution
Fascist Traffic Court Judge With Obvious Personal Vendetta Stung Witless By Letter to Editor
GOP MODERATES CALL FOR BAN ON DIRTY THOUGHTS BROUGHT TO MIND BY CALLING FOR BAN ON DIRTY THOUGHTS
2 GRAD STUDENTS SLIGHTLY INJURED AS UNIV. OF WASHINGTON APPLIED PHYSICS LABORATORY VAN ROLLS KINETICALLY OFF CLIFF
Giant Floating Brain From Nebular-7 Resolves to Lose That Unsightly Cellulite that Tends to Build Up Around the Cerebellum
Doctors Drain Fluids From Injured Pirate - Get Rum Punch
Walter Asks Leave to Express His Hostility
Proud New Ring Tone Owner is Beaten to Death at Ballet
Adorable Kittens To Nestle on Labrador
Vicious Terrorist Intrigued By 24 free Red Lobster Dinners With Windshield Replacement Offer
Steaming Hot Pastrami Sandwich Denounces GOP Convention
Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Give Voter Registration Form to Nice Guy on the Bus
Ballet Company Dancers Expresses Remorse for Death of Country Star Toby Keith
Uma Thurman Again Missing Incredible Dinner Opportunity in Seattle
Coming Up on Headlines Weather: What's About to Make Hurricane Charley look Like Hurricane Mother Teresa
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Employees' Health Care Concerns Addressed With Thousands of New Robots
Stand-Off In Najaf Ends, Iraqi Government Will Send 71 Virgins Immediately
Affidavit: "Hulk Say Sean Hannity is Goering's Bat-Faced Pomeranian"
Radioactive Stream Pollution Rapidly Evolving Muskrats in Music Industry Executives
Enron Tapes Detail Exec's $12 Million Phone Sex Call to 1-800-ShavedMen
U.S. BASKETBALL TEAM BREAKS OUT MONSTER BONG IN THIRD QUARTER
Accusations of "One-Upsman-Evilship" Fly Between Sudan and Congo
Bush: I Honked More Blow Than Any Boatload of Vietnam Guys
Saudi Scientist Nearly Discovers Clitoris
In Compromise with Feds, Martha Stewart's Taxes Will Be Cut
Impressed Judge Agrees Quantum Physicist May or May Not Have Exceeded Time on Parking Meter
Dick Cheney Seen Skipping Through Field of Daisies
Microsoft Patents Alphabet, All Products Resulting From Alphabet (c) 2004 Microsoft Corp.
6 Cheese 3-Meat Pizza Hits Floor Out of Oven, Dies of Heart Attack
In Nerd Fantasy Compromise, Liv Tyler Agrees to Pretend to Not be Married
Adorable Kittens Reportedly Sanguine About Upcoming Week
Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Fill in Karl Rove's Email on Several Gay Porn Sites
Neo-Kierkegardian Philospher To Increase Market Penetration
St. Francis of Assisi Concerned About For-Profit Health Care Industry's Liability Exposure; Luke Decries Excessive Malpractice Awards
Walter Wants His Effin Money
COMING UP ON HEADLINES: How You Can Personally Stop Global Warming, And Why the Mink Oil Lobby Won't Tell You
Stand-Off In Najaf Ends, Iraqi Government Will Send 71 Virgins Immediately
Affidavit: "Hulk Say Sean Hannity is Goering's Bat-Faced Pomeranian"
Radioactive Stream Pollution Rapidly Evolving Muskrats in Music Industry Executives
Enron Tapes Detail Exec's $12 Million Phone Sex Call to 1-800-ShavedMen
U.S. BASKETBALL TEAM BREAKS OUT MONSTER BONG IN THIRD QUARTER
Accusations of "One-Upsman-Evilship" Fly Between Sudan and Congo
Bush: I Honked More Blow Than Any Boatload of Vietnam Guys
Saudi Scientist Nearly Discovers Clitoris
In Compromise with Feds, Martha Stewart's Taxes Will Be Cut
Impressed Judge Agrees Quantum Physicist May or May Not Have Exceeded Time on Parking Meter
Dick Cheney Seen Skipping Through Field of Daisies
Microsoft Patents Alphabet, All Products Resulting From Alphabet (c) 2004 Microsoft Corp.
6 Cheese 3-Meat Pizza Hits Floor Out of Oven, Dies of Heart Attack
In Nerd Fantasy Compromise, Liv Tyler Agrees to Pretend to Not be Married
Adorable Kittens Reportedly Sanguine About Upcoming Week
Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Fill in Karl Rove's Email on Several Gay Porn Sites
Neo-Kierkegardian Philospher To Increase Market Penetration
St. Francis of Assisi Concerned About For-Profit Health Care Industry's Liability Exposure; Luke Decries Excessive Malpractice Awards
Walter Wants His Effin Money
COMING UP ON HEADLINES: How You Can Personally Stop Global Warming, And Why the Mink Oil Lobby Won't Tell You
Thursday, August 19, 2004
SENSELESS HIGH SCHOOL FASHION SPREE UNCOOLS 6, OUTMODES 14
EYES GLOWING RED, KARL ROVE REVEALS HIS MYSTICAL ABILITY TO CREATE ALTERNATE UNIVERSES
Homeland Security Warns Neanderthals of Possible Displacement by Cro-Magnons From Africa
Hurricane Charley Devastates Blond Right-Wing TV Bimbo Crop
Snowy but Kinky Himalayan Village Boasts Abominatrix
WALRUS STUDY BLASTS DENTAL SCHOOL INCOMPETENCE
Disquiet Waxes as Turned-Off Laptop Shows No Evidence of Weeks of Hard Work
In Quiet Moment, Middle-Aged Superman Rethinks Outfit
Pinchon, OK Public Library Reading of "Leaves of Grass" Taps Pent-Up Desire, Unleashes Clothes Shedding Bacchalinian Reverie
Crestfallen Delaware Architect Also Loses Special Boyhood Paper Clip in Particularly Large Plastic Container of Paper Clips
In Interview, A Bitter Merlin Casts Doubts on Gandalf's Service Against Sauron
Adorable Kittens Carefully Investigate Bathtub
Coming Up on Headlines: That Fed-Ex From Karachi - Is Pakistan Exporting Atomic Weapons Technology to You?
EYES GLOWING RED, KARL ROVE REVEALS HIS MYSTICAL ABILITY TO CREATE ALTERNATE UNIVERSES
Homeland Security Warns Neanderthals of Possible Displacement by Cro-Magnons From Africa
Hurricane Charley Devastates Blond Right-Wing TV Bimbo Crop
Snowy but Kinky Himalayan Village Boasts Abominatrix
WALRUS STUDY BLASTS DENTAL SCHOOL INCOMPETENCE
Disquiet Waxes as Turned-Off Laptop Shows No Evidence of Weeks of Hard Work
In Quiet Moment, Middle-Aged Superman Rethinks Outfit
Pinchon, OK Public Library Reading of "Leaves of Grass" Taps Pent-Up Desire, Unleashes Clothes Shedding Bacchalinian Reverie
Crestfallen Delaware Architect Also Loses Special Boyhood Paper Clip in Particularly Large Plastic Container of Paper Clips
In Interview, A Bitter Merlin Casts Doubts on Gandalf's Service Against Sauron
Adorable Kittens Carefully Investigate Bathtub
Coming Up on Headlines: That Fed-Ex From Karachi - Is Pakistan Exporting Atomic Weapons Technology to You?
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
CAMPAIGN HONORS LATE RICK JAMES AT PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES WITH OPENING STATEMENT: "I'M JOHN KERRY, BITCH!"
Based on New Translations of Surveillance at Delphi, Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge Warns Sparta That Xerxes May Be Headed For Thermopylae
In Wake of Hurricane's Fury, 786, 000 Floridans Left Without Marketing
SHRINK RAY USED TO MINITURIZE FBI AGENTS TO FIT SNUGLY INTO ANARCHIST DREADLOCKS
Senator Harkin Takes Dick Cheney's Hat, Tosses Back and Forth With Max Cleland
Bagdad Car Bomb Stats Decline When Explosions Reclassified as Traffic Delays
Laptop Voting Machine Cut and Paste Error Vaults Hurricane Charley to U.S. Senate
Larry the Assertive Lightbulb Refuses To Be Screwed
Evil Business Manager Proposes Office Final Solutions
Adorable Kittens Express Considerable Fascination With Paper Bag
Nic-Fixed Weasel Wheezy
Freshman Art Major Agrees to Observe Naked Woman
DOJ Clarification: Domestic Terrorism Includes Starbucks Vandalism
Can of Okra Ignored for Months
Molybdenum Voted Most Funnest Element To Pronounce
New Media Artist Pulls Video Installation Out of Ass
Ron Reagan Touts Promise of Stem Cells To Treat That People that Need New Heads
Coming Up on Headlines: Prozac, Lead, and Estrogen in Drinking Water- Why You May Be Turning into Jessica Simpson
Based on New Translations of Surveillance at Delphi, Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge Warns Sparta That Xerxes May Be Headed For Thermopylae
In Wake of Hurricane's Fury, 786, 000 Floridans Left Without Marketing
SHRINK RAY USED TO MINITURIZE FBI AGENTS TO FIT SNUGLY INTO ANARCHIST DREADLOCKS
Senator Harkin Takes Dick Cheney's Hat, Tosses Back and Forth With Max Cleland
Bagdad Car Bomb Stats Decline When Explosions Reclassified as Traffic Delays
Laptop Voting Machine Cut and Paste Error Vaults Hurricane Charley to U.S. Senate
Larry the Assertive Lightbulb Refuses To Be Screwed
Evil Business Manager Proposes Office Final Solutions
Adorable Kittens Express Considerable Fascination With Paper Bag
Nic-Fixed Weasel Wheezy
Freshman Art Major Agrees to Observe Naked Woman
DOJ Clarification: Domestic Terrorism Includes Starbucks Vandalism
Can of Okra Ignored for Months
Molybdenum Voted Most Funnest Element To Pronounce
New Media Artist Pulls Video Installation Out of Ass
Ron Reagan Touts Promise of Stem Cells To Treat That People that Need New Heads
Coming Up on Headlines: Prozac, Lead, and Estrogen in Drinking Water- Why You May Be Turning into Jessica Simpson
Monday, August 16, 2004
CALIFORNIA SUPREME COURT RULES HAPPY, CAREFREE MARRIAGE ILLEGAL
U.S. MENS BASKETBALL TEAM DEFIANT AFTER 98-76 LOSS TO MALNOURISHED GIRL SCOUTS FROM ALBANIA
Oil Prices Reach $46, or 178 Blood Drops per Barrel
BUSH WILL REBUILD FLORIDA BY COURAGEOUSLY ISSUING SUBSTANTIAL TAX REBATES FOR WEALTHY FOREIGN INVESTORS
Delaware Socialist, 83, Veteran of Abraham Lincoln Brigade during Spanish Civil War, Outraged at 7-11 Tylenol Price
CNN, NBC, and FOX News Are Reporting that Michael Jackson, Scott Peterson, and Kobe Bryant Walked Into a Bar
GOV SCHWARTZENEGGER ANNOUNCES DREAM HE ANNOUNCED HIS RESIGNATION, STATUS AS GAY AMERICAN
Mountain Top Removal Mining Touted By Coal Industry as Effective Solution to Problem of Excess Numbers of Unsightly Mountain Tops
No Reports of Injuries as Adorable Kittens Fall Asleep Off Bookcase into Large Soft Pile of Pillows
Lonely Man Considers Acquaintance To Be Close Friend
U.S. Objects as Concerned U.S. Redeploys Excited U.S. Troops to Confused U.S.
British Man of Average Intelligence On American Vacation Appreciates Being Considered Well-Educated
Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Risk Personal Injury By Putting Political Yard Sign in Rear Window
Coming Up on Headlines: The FBI in Your Socks Drawer: Why It's No Longer Just a Question of "If."
U.S. MENS BASKETBALL TEAM DEFIANT AFTER 98-76 LOSS TO MALNOURISHED GIRL SCOUTS FROM ALBANIA
Oil Prices Reach $46, or 178 Blood Drops per Barrel
BUSH WILL REBUILD FLORIDA BY COURAGEOUSLY ISSUING SUBSTANTIAL TAX REBATES FOR WEALTHY FOREIGN INVESTORS
Delaware Socialist, 83, Veteran of Abraham Lincoln Brigade during Spanish Civil War, Outraged at 7-11 Tylenol Price
CNN, NBC, and FOX News Are Reporting that Michael Jackson, Scott Peterson, and Kobe Bryant Walked Into a Bar
GOV SCHWARTZENEGGER ANNOUNCES DREAM HE ANNOUNCED HIS RESIGNATION, STATUS AS GAY AMERICAN
Mountain Top Removal Mining Touted By Coal Industry as Effective Solution to Problem of Excess Numbers of Unsightly Mountain Tops
No Reports of Injuries as Adorable Kittens Fall Asleep Off Bookcase into Large Soft Pile of Pillows
Lonely Man Considers Acquaintance To Be Close Friend
U.S. Objects as Concerned U.S. Redeploys Excited U.S. Troops to Confused U.S.
British Man of Average Intelligence On American Vacation Appreciates Being Considered Well-Educated
Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Risk Personal Injury By Putting Political Yard Sign in Rear Window
Coming Up on Headlines: The FBI in Your Socks Drawer: Why It's No Longer Just a Question of "If."
Friday, August 13, 2004
Terrorists Still Threatening Las Vegas, Reports Reno Chamber of Commerce
Study: Adorable Kittens Dream of Kitty Food, Yarn, Mice, Other Kittens
Biotech Futurists Describe Bright Future for Genetically Engineered Futurists
Martha Stewart Purchases Comprehensive Guidebook on Current Prison Slang
Federal Energy Regulatory Commission Approves $3 Billion Sale of Secretly Pretend Electricity Futures
Wiccan's Fumbling Attempts to Cast Curse Spell on DMV Staffer Results in Poor ID Picture Quality
Car Sold at Value
Postal Employee Tiring of Flag Stamp
Manageble Goals Revolutionary Asks Grocery Clerk About Upcoming Health Care Negotiations
University of Michigan Scientists Report Global Warming Expected to Soon Destroy Beachside Homes Owned Mostly By People Who Poo-Poo Global Warming
Study: Adorable Kittens Dream of Kitty Food, Yarn, Mice, Other Kittens
Biotech Futurists Describe Bright Future for Genetically Engineered Futurists
Martha Stewart Purchases Comprehensive Guidebook on Current Prison Slang
Federal Energy Regulatory Commission Approves $3 Billion Sale of Secretly Pretend Electricity Futures
Wiccan's Fumbling Attempts to Cast Curse Spell on DMV Staffer Results in Poor ID Picture Quality
Car Sold at Value
Postal Employee Tiring of Flag Stamp
Manageble Goals Revolutionary Asks Grocery Clerk About Upcoming Health Care Negotiations
University of Michigan Scientists Report Global Warming Expected to Soon Destroy Beachside Homes Owned Mostly By People Who Poo-Poo Global Warming
Monday, August 09, 2004
U.S. DEMANDS IRAN IMMEDIATELY PRETEND TO STOP NUCLEAR WEAPONS PROGRAM
After Recovery of Detailed Arabic Scroll, Secretary Ridge Warns Constantinople of Possible Threat From Ottoman Empire
New Pill Surpresses Brain's Tendency to Reject Expensive Prescription Medication
CEO Resolves Step Up Efforts to Like People
Adorable Kittens Relax by Champagne Bottle Left Near Hot Tub
Mike Tyson Accepts $472 To Intimidate Mean 8th Grader
Disney, Microsoft Attempt to Patent Each Other
Anime Researchers Discover Human Nose
Paris Hilton Determined to Push Through Emergency UN Diplomatic Initiative in Sudan
University of Michigan Reports Planet Earth, Human Race Is Being Exploited, Destroyed So 272,000 Executives Can Be Pressured into Playing Golf
Ann Coulter Rejects "Necrotizing Fasciitus" Label
Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Ignore "Do Not Pet" Sign on PetSmart Cat Adoption Cage
Dalai Lama To Embrace Material Being Long Enough to Vote Against President "Mr. Whitebread-Chowderhead"
Roughneck in Denial Appalled By Window Treatment
Patient, Patient's Accounts Suffer Hospital Seizure
Coming Up on Headlines Weather: Violent Storm Attributed to Excess of Recently Identified Prozac Tainted Water
After Recovery of Detailed Arabic Scroll, Secretary Ridge Warns Constantinople of Possible Threat From Ottoman Empire
New Pill Surpresses Brain's Tendency to Reject Expensive Prescription Medication
CEO Resolves Step Up Efforts to Like People
Adorable Kittens Relax by Champagne Bottle Left Near Hot Tub
Mike Tyson Accepts $472 To Intimidate Mean 8th Grader
Disney, Microsoft Attempt to Patent Each Other
Anime Researchers Discover Human Nose
Paris Hilton Determined to Push Through Emergency UN Diplomatic Initiative in Sudan
University of Michigan Reports Planet Earth, Human Race Is Being Exploited, Destroyed So 272,000 Executives Can Be Pressured into Playing Golf
Ann Coulter Rejects "Necrotizing Fasciitus" Label
Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Ignore "Do Not Pet" Sign on PetSmart Cat Adoption Cage
Dalai Lama To Embrace Material Being Long Enough to Vote Against President "Mr. Whitebread-Chowderhead"
Roughneck in Denial Appalled By Window Treatment
Patient, Patient's Accounts Suffer Hospital Seizure
Coming Up on Headlines Weather: Violent Storm Attributed to Excess of Recently Identified Prozac Tainted Water
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Homeland Security Warns of Risk of Possible Attack By Booth, Raises Ford Theater Alert Level to Orange
OPEC: Oil Being Retooled for Upscale Market
PRESIDENT CALLS FOR GLOBAL EFFORT TO STOP GLOBAL GLOBING
EU Cutbacks Reduce Meter to 98 Centimeters
Washington DC Subway Restaraunt Manager Dismisses Al Qaeda Threat By Unhappy Cold Cut Trio Patron
Mike Tyson Signs $4000 Deal to Beat the Shit Out of a Chicken
University of Michigan Political Scientists ID New Species of Microscopic Voter
Teresa Heinz Kerry Terrorizes Downtown Cincinnati With Cutting Remarks
As Alabama Bans Sex Toys, Cucumber Prices Spike
Bush U.S. Moon Plan Actually NASA Re-Branding of Chinese Moon Plan
Flight to Bay Area Turned Around After Passenger Reports Ann Coulter Seen Going to Restroom
Walmart Announces To Shareholders Plan to Suck Universe Dry
In Move to Stop Terrorists Based on Previous Behavior, NY Area Strippers Will be Armed With Heat Seeking Missles
Chocolate Syrup Tanker Strikes Delicious Uncharted Ice Cream Reef
Adorable Kittens Announce Plans to Sneak Out of The House
Coming Up on Headlines: How Halliburton Ironically Fucked Itself
OPEC: Oil Being Retooled for Upscale Market
PRESIDENT CALLS FOR GLOBAL EFFORT TO STOP GLOBAL GLOBING
EU Cutbacks Reduce Meter to 98 Centimeters
Washington DC Subway Restaraunt Manager Dismisses Al Qaeda Threat By Unhappy Cold Cut Trio Patron
Mike Tyson Signs $4000 Deal to Beat the Shit Out of a Chicken
University of Michigan Political Scientists ID New Species of Microscopic Voter
Teresa Heinz Kerry Terrorizes Downtown Cincinnati With Cutting Remarks
As Alabama Bans Sex Toys, Cucumber Prices Spike
Bush U.S. Moon Plan Actually NASA Re-Branding of Chinese Moon Plan
Flight to Bay Area Turned Around After Passenger Reports Ann Coulter Seen Going to Restroom
Walmart Announces To Shareholders Plan to Suck Universe Dry
In Move to Stop Terrorists Based on Previous Behavior, NY Area Strippers Will be Armed With Heat Seeking Missles
Chocolate Syrup Tanker Strikes Delicious Uncharted Ice Cream Reef
Adorable Kittens Announce Plans to Sneak Out of The House
Coming Up on Headlines: How Halliburton Ironically Fucked Itself
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