Rumsfeld Sternly Warns Himself Against Corruption and Incompetence

Illustrating a Point About Long Term Debt Insecurity, President Whacks Elderly Pensioner With Baseball Bat

Tri-Cities Area Communist Party Declares a General Strike, in the Sense of Trading
Shifts at Powell's Food-Co-Op

In First Assault on Poverty, Wolfowitz At World Bank Moves to Eliminate Capital Gains Taxes for Those in Bangladesh Making Less Than 1500 Rupees A Year

Jewelton, Nebraska Fails In Bid To Make World's Largest Submarine Sandwich by Over Three City Blocks

Hot Chick Distracted by Brochure

OPINION: Sometimes It's Hard to Tell Whether it's Really God or Another Lame Schizophrenic Episode is Talking To You

Angelina Jolie Orders Mixed Greens Salad

Adorable Kittens Blame Faulty, Tempting Wiring

Lugubrious Jones Briefly Cheered By Inexpensive Electric Fireplace

Coming Up on Headlines: After Difficult Negotiations With Maniacal Tobacco Store Clerk , Prince Albert Has Been Released