Micheal Jackson Evaporates Into 11th Dimensional Space

China, India Outsourcing Each Other: Chinese Confusing Sprint Customers as India Becomes Largest U.S. Supplier of Crappy Plastic Things

Market Special Forces Take Out Nurse's Union

Yet Another Hackey-Sack Injury Sends Dick Cheney to Emergency Room

Latest Bear Finding: Cars With Fat People In Them Often Contain More Nachos

Bush Attempt at Root Beer Float Goes Awry As Ice Cream Ball Keeps Turning Over, Resisting Fumbling Attempts At Scooping With Flimsy Plastic Spoon

Conservative NYT Columnist David Brooks Termed "4-Eyes", Repeatedly Kicked In Back of Knee By Resentful Punk Rock Girl

Opinion: Although I'm Enjoying Your Lap Dancing, Miss, You Don't Necessarily Need to Keeping Slapping Yourself There In Particular

Fooled By Apparent Ease of Chase, Adorable Kittens Stalking Tuna Can

University of Michigan Political Scientists Report French Oddly Reluctant to Give Up Idyllic Lifestyle, Democractic Control of State Policies To Further Enhance Massive Transnational Private Equity Funds

Starbucks Offering Canned 10W -40 Mochachino For Urban Robots on the Go

View of Intriguing Uma Thurman Louis Vuitton Ad Partly Obscured By Habernot Systems Mark VI 15,000 Ton Self-Assembling Derrick Crane

Family Coronary Tragedy Forces Pizza Parlor To Reconsider Free Cheesy Breadstick and Extra Cheese Dipping Sauce Promotion

Rebuttal: Don't Tell Me You Don't Love It

Pentagon Intrigued By Flexible, Colorful Lego Missile Platform

Coming Up on Headlines Familes: Just Because Daddy Muffed His Parole Hearing Doesn't Necessarily Mean He Won't Be Coming Home