POLLS' COLLAPSE WORRIES ROVE ABOUT POSSIBLE INSURGENCY IN DUMBFUCKISTAN

Heavily Marked Draft of 1998 Document Containing All of George Bush's Future Speeches Unearthed in D.C. Barbeque Place Restroom

President of Iran Furiously Demands Tiny Invisible Jewish Robots Immediately Leave His Head

Adorable Kittens' Nefarious Plans Flumoxed By Well-Secured Knitting Box

Madonna to Radically Reinvent Herself As A Songwriter Creating Original, Artistically Challenging Dance Music

RUMSFELD ADDRESSES RICECAKE STALENESS PROBLEM WITH IMMEDIATE ACTION

Mick Jagger Reflects on the Impact on Rolling Stones' Performances When Counterpoint was Developed in the 12th Century