Heroic Toddler Saves Town As Fork in Outlet
Sets Fire to Wal Mart

Concern Grows as Iranian Bakery Enriching Wonderbread

Declining World Frog Population Cutting Down on Magical Royal Marriages

Report: God Has Superlative Gravy Recipe

Viscious Mouse Criminal Sentenced to The Springy Chair

Constitution "Tabled"

Disappointment as 32 Ounce Resealable Bag of Fred Meyer "Honey Oaty Rings" Proves Full of Angry, Live Bats

Film History: Walter Pigeon Crapped On Napolean

FBI Taps Trevor's 'Big-Wheel Ice Cream Gang' As Nation's Top Child Terrorist Concern

Premature Ejaculation Drug Release Date Delayed By Thoughts of Baseball Steroid Abuse

Poet Writes Novel Just to Slip in Poetry

Coming Up on Headlines: Adorable Kitten Scientists Believe That the Reality of Tuna Flavoring Must Imply The Existence of Huge, Delicious Tunas