BILL GATES SEEN CRUNK AT RENTON 7-11, TOSSING PLASTIC LAWN CHAIRS AT PASSING CARS

SCIENTISTS URGENTLY WORKING TO CRACK GENETIC CODE FOR ANGELINA JOLIE

McCAIN UNVEILS PROPOSAL TO EXTEND DAYLIGHT NAPPING TIME

HILARIOUS JOKE ON GAS PRICES THWARTED BY SEX

STUDY: U.S. NOW A SAD, LONELY SUPERPOWER

ROBOT PORN SPREADS SEEN AT LOWE'S

FLEEING KARL ROVE LEADS COPS IN CHASE THROUGH TRI-COUNTY AREA, DEATH TOLL NEARING 27

NODDING SOLEMNLY, OBAMA QUIETLY APPROVES HIS OWN MEMORIAL DESIGN

ADORABLE KITTENS UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND SIMPLE DVR INSTRUCTIONS