IN DRAMATIC TURN, DICK CHENEY CLAIMS TO BE BARACK OBAMA'S FATHER
RASH OF BEAR ATTACKS IN ALASKA ATTRIBUTED TO RISE IN CAVE FORECLOSURES
BUSH POLL REPORTS APPROVAL OF 1: A CERTAIN MR. TOM PRICKSON, UNEMPLOYED LOCKSMITH, OF SCRANTON, PA.
SCIENTISTS' REVIEW OF LITERATURE REVEALS COMPLEX PERSONAL MOTIVATIONS
STUDY: AMERICA NOT PREPARED FOR EXTENDED PERIOD OF SENSIBLE PUBLIC POLICY
BILL CLINTON POPS UP AS NEW PRESIDENT OF CHAD
FAKE BLUETOOTH SET COMPANY TARGETS SCHIZOPHRENIC DEMOGRAPHIC
MAN PREPARING 7-11 HOT DOG ABOUT TO FACE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS
ADORABLE KITTENS FAIL IN TELEKINETIC ATTEMPT TO PRODUCE NUMMIES