FEMA's Godzilla Planning Sharply Questioned

Provoked By Tantalizing Descriptions, NSA Agents Raid Detroit House, Wrest Mrs. Tallochi's Secret Super Incredible Fudge Kooshies Recipe From Her Cold, Dead Hands

Mosul Man Exasperated as Suicide Bombers Target His New Slurpee
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Forboding Vortex of Evil Devours East Bay Notions Shop

Democratic Senators Trapped For Weeks on Pedestrian Island

Major Real Estate Investor Depressed as Verbal Abuse of Employees Loses Its Zing

Bill Gates Stopped Cold By Hello Kitty

World's Greatest Lover Reportedly World's Worst Actuary