MICROSOFT: 'Longhorn' Operating System "Will Make Typing a 'Snap'"

DULL SENATE FINANCE HEARING ERUPTS INTO CONGA LINE OF THE DAMNED

Robot Scientists Report Puny Humans Weakened By Pathetic Feelings of Love

Waterproof Cell Phone Can Now Ruin Relaxing Baths

WHITE HOUSE COUNTERS THAT LIKE ALL PATRIOTIC AMERICANS, KARL ROVE IS PREPARED TO BETRAY HIS COUNTRY WHEN IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT

Overzealous Prosecutor Indicts Tacoma

Rehnquist Quitting For Lifelong Dream of Becoming Shiatsu Massage Therapist

Adorable Kittens Briefly Feel Ignored Before Getting Picked Up and Placed in Coffee Mug for Amusing Photo Shoot

Recently Appointed Top US Navy Commander Captain Morgan Introduces Wildly Popular New Behavior Protocols

Face Stomping Postponed Due to Ass Whoopin'

Pastors Criticize "Unproven 'Theory'" of Aeronautics

Loss of 8 Year Old's Barbie Malibu Set Blamed for Family Economic Catastrophy

Continent of Europe Now Drifting Even Faster

Purchase of $2 Gallon Can of Tomato Sauce At Costco Seems Whimsical in Retrospect