SPOT NEAR ORLANDO MISSED; ZEUS DEMANDS FIFTH HURRICANE

SHOCKER IN LATEST POLLS AS "STRAIGHT-SHOOTER'"CALIGULA LEADS BY FIVE

College Paper By President Bush Surfaces; TA's Notes Suggest Madagascar is Pretty Obviously Not in Lake Michigan

WAL MART TO OCCUPY THE SET OF ALL POINTS

ADORABLE KITTENS FORCED TO ATTACK BICYCLING MOUSE CARRYING TINY CATNIP CHRISTMAS TREE

Karl Rove Nixes Zoot Suit

Cole Porter Revival At Nascar Event Turns Tragic

Comedian To Make Observation

Mastering of 9th Language by Montanna Woman is Admired Yet Widely Resented

Alaska Legalizes Marijuana For Large Male Brown Bears in Need

Manageable Goals Revolutionaries Fling Stale Halloween 3 Musketeeers Bar at Pickup with Bush Sticker

Charlie Rose Puts the Beatdown on Punkass Harper's Editor

Controversy as U.S. Military-Industrial Complex Outsources Most Work to
Burkina Faso

Coming Up on HEADLINES Weather: The Undervalued Pleasures of Subterranean Concrete