ANDROID ARMY DEFEATED BY SIMPLE SCREENSAVER

OBAMA TO SEND NATION'S FLEET OF SECRET BLACK HELICOPTERS TO HOVER ANNOYINGLY OVER GOLF COURSES

TIBETAN COMEDIAN KILLING WITH NEW YAK-BUTTER TEA JOKE

SHOCKING PARENTS AND BRIEFLY DELIGHTING CHILDREN, SOMALI PIRATES SEIZE SPOKANE CHUCK E. CHEESE

OBAMA'S VACATED PARKING SPACE FOUND ON CRAIG'S LIST

TEENAGER INJURED BY MARKETERRAZZI

MAN WHO SHUFFLED OFF TO BUFFALO, HAVING ARRIVED, PERSISTS IN SHUFFLING

CALIFORNIA ROBOTS VOTE TO BAN ROBOT-APPLIANCE MARRIAGE

MRS. PAUL, AFTER RELIGIOUS CONVERSION, NOW "COD-FEARING"

BRIEF DANCE CONTRACT TERMS CLEVERLY HIDDEN UNDER ENORMOUS BREASTS

IN A TODAY'S URGENT HEADLINES URGENT OPINIONS, BY THE COP STANDING NEXT TO YOU: "MAY I SPEAK WITH YOU A MINUTE, SIR?"