U.S. SUPREME COURT AWARDS ALASKAN OIL SPILL VICTIMS 10.2 BILLION IN EXXON-MOBIL "FUNBUCKS"

CLINTON TO OBAMA: EXCUSE ME, YOU'RE IN MY CHAIR

PERFORMANCE ARTIST SKATING EDGE WITH "WHY I OWE NO TAXES" INSTALLATION

PROBLEM-SOLVING ROBOTS HIT SNAG ON PROBLEM OF NEW PROBLEM CREATION

ALTERNATIVE ROCK MUSIC LOSES LEASE

GHOST OF ORVILLE REDDENBACHER SPRINKLING BUTTER FLAVORING ON THE LIVING

SCIENTISTS: GOOGLING "GOOGLE" MAY DESTROY INTERNET

A DRUNKEN ALAN GREENSPAN INSTIGATES, LOSES FISTFIGHT WITH TOLL BOOTH ATTENDANT

LOW-SELF ESTEEM ARCHITECT ADDS DECORATIVE PIT TO COMMISSIONED HOLE

DETAINEES PROTEST RADIOS WHICH ONLY BROADCAST PLEDGE DRIVES

IN TODAY'S URGENT HEADLINES OPINION, BY GENERAL MUSHARAFF: "RETURNING DEMOCRACY WAS A BAD IDEA"