NASA SCIENTISTS REPORT MICHIGAN EXPLORER III HAS LANDED SAFELY IN DETROIT
SOMALI PIRATES GRAB TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
COPS FIND INEBRIATED ALAN GREENSPAN BOTHERING APPLEBY'S CUSTOMERS WITH OBVIOUS PYRAMID SCHEME
PHOENIX: POPCORN GENE INSERTED IN NOW-ESCAPED MICE MAY BECOME ONGOING CATASTROPHY
OBAMA TO DOUBLE TAX ON NASCAR PARAPHERNALIA
HOARD OF ADORABLE KITTENS LEAP ON AND FEROCIOUSLY ATTACK WILLIAM SHATNER'S HEAD
ROBOT-FIXING ROBOT FIXED
CALIFORNIA VOTES TO BAN OWL MARRIAGE
JOLLY GREEN GIANT SHOT WITH POTATO GUN
MAN WITH DUAL PERSONALITIES SHOOTS SELF, SELF
IN A TODAY'S URGENT HEADLINES URGENT OPINIONS, BY HILARY CLINTON: DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE
OBAMA MOVES QUICKLY TO CRUSH ANTI-HOPE GROUPS
BRITISH NAVY INTERCEPTS ROGUE CANAPES
MAN WITH DUAL PERSONALITIES SHOOTS SELF, SELF
SOMALI PIRATES CAPTURE TEXAS WATER PARK
MOURNFUL MOOS OF THE CRABCOW FRIGHTEN SHOREFOLK
ALAN GREENSPAN FIRED AS WAL-MART GREETER
SCIENTISTS: MICHIGAN MAY ONCE HAVE BEEN U.S. STATE
STUDY OF STUDY OF STUDIES SHOWS STUDIES OF STUDIES UNDERSTUDIED UNTIL RECENTLY
CALIFORNIA MOVES TO BAN DORK MARRIAGE
JOLLY GREEN GIANT SHOT WITH POTATO GUN
POPE CONDEMNS GOOGLING SELF
