LEGOLAND SINKING INTO OCEAN, JUST AS LEGO ZEUS FORETOLD

CATASTROPHIC COLLAPSE OF BEE COLONIES TRACED TO SPREAD OF BEE ANARCHISM

MARINE CORPS BAND DEBUTS NEW PRESIDENTIAL FANFARE, "HAIL TO THE COMMANDER GUY"

iLIFE CONSUMER ENDS ACTUAL LIFE

UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN SCIENTISTS STUDY OF MALES REVEALS 82.6 IMAGES OF FEMALE BREASTS EQUALS APPROXIMATELY ONE VIEW OF ACTUAL FEMALE BREASTS

GLOBAL WARMING ACTION SUDDENLY URGED BY BILLIONAIRE WITH ISLAND

WIDELY BLAMED FOR DIABETES AND OBESITY, SOFT DRINKS NOW FINGERED FOR MIDDLE EAST

HOUSEWIFE IN GHANA GRATEFUL FOR LACK OF GHANA NEWS

ROBOT JOGGERS TO FREE HUMANS FROM BURDEN OF EXERCISE

ASTRONOMERS REPORT NEW EARTH-LIKE PLANET "STUFFED WITH CANDY"